I feel like I don’t know where to go from here.
You are not involved in her life, nor have you ever been, more then a few times a year. You are not a financial provider. She is terrified or you, seeing you only as a stranger that induces such a severe case of anxiety in a four year old, it’s scary.
But you aren’t a bad guy. You have so many great qualities.
Being a father, however is not one of them.
My husband, who has raised her since she was weeks old, has wanted to adopt her for such a long time.
Sometimes you want to let him. But I understand that is a huge decision and understand why you wouldn’t. But when you say no, I always get hope that you would step up. But you never do.
You are too busy, living your single life.
You just bought a house. Didn’t even bother to ask, if maybe you could help pay for school or buy her new shoes or clothes. Nothing.
Nothing from you. Just as I suspected.
It’s time now.
You either need to pay (the amount the court enforces, I will not be easy on you now) or you need to let my husband adopt her.
When my husband adopts her though, we are NOT taking her from you.
We are simply not obligating you to support or your custody order.
Of course, I would never deny you or her. I would never keep her from you. I would not expect you to be completely absent from her life, of course.
But she wants my husband’s last name (in fact she tells people that is her last name, since the wedding) and my husband wants her to legally be his. That will bring us all comfort.